louphoria

Sorry about that, not often I give an excuse of being too busy to write, but that is the truth on this occasion. I wrote that little placeholder saying that a new one would go up on the secret blog at around five, minutes later customers came in and then when they left and I had settled myself to write something quickly I ended up taking calls and then Benny rang me to tell me about an accident one of his fathers friends had had (he’s going to be ok). My focus was entirely on getting to Dublin, where my parents gave me a huge warm welcome and I never got a chance to even think about writing (they have dial up anyway, which just makes me scream). Next day it was all about the wedding, today it was all about the getting home and splonging on the couch. I shall return in the morro with a full report.

Sorry again,

Lou…zzzzzzz….

At 11:41 this morning a nice gentleman from the county council called to say I had come first in the interview process for the position of branch librar*an for Ballym*te libr*ry. I sprinted to answer my mobile from the other end of the showroom and was so shocked when he told me I could barely say anything. I remember running for it thinking, if this is my Ma I’m going to have to give out to her for ringing and making me think it was the county council. Then I saw the Sligo number, and the world span around the phone and the professional voice on the other end. I can’t even remember what I said to him, something about ‘oh god’ and ‘thank you’. I’m still in shock now, but boy am I looking forward to the waves of fuzzy-happy that I know are going to keep coming over me for the next few days.

I cried a little on the phone to Benny, I could cry a little now too. I wanted it so badly, I was so worried I didn’t do enough in the interview, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how great it would be for the whole last month or however long it’s all been going on.

I will be a librarian, something I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid (and something I coveted ever since college, man how I’d have loved to be one of those guys I borrowed off day in day out in the college library, or the one across the road from me in Cabra). I’ll have the run of the place all by myself. I will gain experience in a field I imagine myself being in for life (a profession! No more call centre!!). I will have time to go to Dublin/Meath, do my writing, spend more time on cooking, cleaning, part time education - whatever! I will have time, and a job that I don’t find ethically or morally, um, wobbly.

I will be around books, I will be genuinely helpful to people, I will be a keeper and gaurdian of books, blessed books.

I cannot wait.

The package giving me all the info will come out at some stage this week, then hopefully I’ll find out when I’ll be starting. I could barely answer the man who rang me this morning, let alone ask him when I’d start.

It’s going to take a few days to digest this, really it is.

I have to say thank you to all of you, you will never know how much help you have been to me. I sat there waiting for the interview the other day and thought of all of you and it calmed me and gave me strength to think of your support. I don’t know what I’d do without you all, x

Love, Lou

I have just had a fantastic bath. The temperature was just right, the candles flickered warmly, the steam and shadows and heat relaxed me completely. I’m on a ‘make upper arms not so red-and-white spotty’ mission so I’ve been bathing with copious amounts of Aqueous BP and exfoliating like crazy for the past few days. The sudden interest in my upper arms is of course because they will be on show in my fancy dress for the wedding on Wednesday. The red and white blotchyness, some form of mild eczema no doubt, really wouldn’t look great with an otherwise elegant and classy dress.

I seem to be getting it under control anyway, and in optimal condition for a little touch of very, very light fake tan on the day in question - just enough to even the skin tone, never enough to streak and look orangey.

I’ve actually had quite a pleasant surprise so far with all this getting dressed up lark, I’m actually enjoying it a little bit. I found perfect shoes, which turned out to be twenty euros less than I had figured I was going to have to pay. I found the perfect lipstick (I needed a neutral pale pinkish shade to compliment the black and silver eye colour). And numerous other little touches have come together nicely to leave me actually looking forward to getting dressed up and strutting my stuff. I’m particularly energised about it all because Benny is looking forward to seeing me dressed up, and I’m looking forward to seeing him in his suit (all the main men are wearing a nice rented fancy suit, I saw it on him during the fitting and it looked, um, very nice). It’s probably just good old fashioned showing off, but I want us to look good, and it’s enjoyable to fit all the puzzle pieces together to make it happen, once in a blue moon, I hasten to add.

*****

We took a trip to Enniskillen today, stocked up like a nuclear apocalypse was coming, as usual. Much as I’d like to discuss some of the bargains I got and the lengthy list of organic lentils we found, the bed is calling and Millie is demanding some cuddles before I lie down.

I’ve just tried to kill a few minutes sitting out here at reception (covering the phones) by reading an issue of Now magazine. Dear sweet Jesus. I had no recollection of how judgemental, stupid, weight obsessed, catty and vacuous those magazines are. I could go on, but I won’t, I just wanted to say that I knew they were bad, but what I just read is so laughably bad I shudder to think that anyone reads it without being irritated by how horrible it is.

It’s pissing rain in Sligo. I’m mildly hungover, but full of sausages in a roll with mayo, so I’m a happy enough sort of hungover.

I’m not going to try and shape this into a post, I simply don’t have the brainpower or energy, so here goes:

I got to drive a 407 this morning, bloody comfortable seats and surprisingly good handling, bit sluggish on the take off, but then I have a feeling it’s a 1.6 Diesel. Just checked and it is, fuck me they get a lot of power out of that 1.6 considering it’s towing such a big boat of a car. Surprised I liked it so much.

It’s so rainy and cold I keep thinking it’s autumn and looking forward to seeing the leaves change and walking on country roads looking at all the blackberries in their various stages of ripening. When I was a child in my dad’s home place in Kilkenny I used to take a little stainless steel breakfast bowl out into the garden and make recipes out of white foamy berries and blackberries and pollens. The littlest witch, huh?

I want to make my own breakfast bars, I must check the ingredients on the back of the ‘crunchy granola bars’ I eat every morning. It’s just oats and honey and what not, surely? If anyone has any recipes or suggestions for them, work away

I sometimes have names for people in my head that I would never say to them out loud. Alan in work is alibaba in my head, but I’d never say it out loud. I don’t really understand that process, I think it’s just word play and mental gymnastics, something I do rather unconsciously, which is probably why these little pet names, silly words etc. never make it out of my mouth - they’re like little habits, like chewing the inside of my mouth, but in my brain. I suppose I like the repetition of the sounds, I have a tiny touch of ocd, so this could be an aspect of that. I like to make up rhymes and little songs and silly words, I believe I find the process of repeating them to myself to be comforting, or at least to give my brain a break, like letting it idle on the repetition. Hmm.

I’m obsessed with the Fiat Panda 100bhp, something about the sport button and how Top Gear put it, the ‘chuckable chassis’. Oh how I’d love a chuckable chassis. Mmmm. And, only €16,350 with air con as standard. I need to drive a more interesting car than my current Grande Punto. It’s lovely, it corners in a fun way, the brakes are fantastic, the engine revs easily, but I can just never get beyond the feeling that 65bhp is just not enough for the size of the car. Ho hum. (I’ve been spoilt in my 25k 1.6 120bhp Cooper you see).

I think I’m gonna go make some coffee. Then I’m going to find a book to read online. It’s going to be a long wet evening.

Don’t forget the secret knock and a bottle of fizzy pop!

I’ll send a big email around tomorrow about the secret site, I was too busy discussing library and county council related doodad this evening with Benny and I completely overshot my blog time.

We had a pleasant weekend, supported Darren in his triathlon attempts, had the usual few pints, did a bit of grocery shopping and so on. I tried a new recipe this evening for a pearl barley risotto with chives and peas, it was incredibly filling and we both have that smug semi-vegetarian feeling. Given the current economic conditions and our student-esque budget, it was time to look into cheaper than meat alternatives - lentils and beans and so on will be figuring more highly in our diet. If this evenings experiment is anything to go by I think it’ll be a fun way to pinch a few more pennies.

I’ve noticed before that in times of stress or big change in my life my mind throws up images and memories from my past. Sometimes they’re brief, just a quick blink of my eye, (a snowy day rail-track and an icy statue in a graveyard), maybe a touch of how I felt (youthful, on an adventure), to more full blown sensory memories, with thoughts that I had at the time, the feel of cold on my nose, smells, the whole thing.

St. Petersburg has obviously featured pretty high on the list. Last night as we were going asleep one memory thundered into my mind and demanded to be spoken aloud. I told Benny, walked him through it, all the little details I remembered so that it came alive for him again too. Needless to say it’s not demanding to be shared now that I want to write about it, I can’t remember what it was for the life of me.

I wonder why that happens? Why my dreams are so hyper-vivid at the moment, why little moments in time I haven’t thought about in years, perhaps since they happened, are flashing away in my mind in this random manner? Is it that they always demand to be examined but when I’m under a lot of stress I develop a one track mind to deal with the immediate problem, and then when they get an opportunity to spill out, they literally flood my mind? It’s probably part of the answer at least. It’s as if since I found out I’m leaving, I can drop my guard a little, I’m not so much in battle, not holding it all together - and this is letting the good thoughts, the creative thoughts flow. Perhaps. I’ll ponder it som’ore.

I think I’m going to start using the secret blog soon. It’s set up, and anyone who finds it will get a prize from me, the user name I have for it is the only clue really as to who owns it, but it’s not enough to be incriminating. I’m actually quite chuffed with the user name, I really didn’t know how I was going to top ‘louphoria’. I find the new one quite witty actually. Unless I’ve badly misinterpreted the reference. Hmm.

Thank you for all the lovely comments today guys, as always, you’ve made me feel better and stronger.

Today was a washout, I felt ill and tired and, well, you know. An evening of Battlestar (we’re watching back from the start for the first time in two years), Medium and Torchwood (first season, the episode where Captain Jack has a nice big frenchie with his name sake, huminah…) has set me a little straighter.

Sorry, I couldn’t focus or concentrate today, I want to write, and I will, but not today.